080625

 

BABY IS THRILLED TO SEE ME

Clothes shopping
ANGEL SKIRT & ROSE DRESS

SKETCH AT 11AM
GRIEF PROCESSING

Got home EXACTLY on time, THANK YOU GOD ❤

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https://drelisblog.com/the-last-shall-be-first
Finishing this today to get back on track

⭐"The text remains silent on why God prefers Abel’s offering, cloaking the decision in mystery and emphasizing divine prerogative."
(I want to emphasize this. God doesn't have to tell us why He does anything. In fact, He typically doesn't. We NEED to accept that with utmost humility– with awe and trembling, even. There will ALWAYS be mysteries far beyond our comprehension and even our awareness; there will ALWAYS be secrets we will never and cannot ever learn; there will ALWAYS be a great fathomless unknown that will remain unknown to us forever. We NEED to be okay with this, and stop madly striving to always "get it" or "figure it out" because we CAN'T. We AREN'T SUPPOSED TO. What are we supposed to do, then? Simple= we HAVE FAITH IN GOD. He alone knows and understands and comprehends everything because He's the ONLY ONE that NEEDS to. He's the only One in control. So... we have nothing to worry about. If He refuses to reveal something to us, we can trust in His reasoning. We can trust that we don't need to know what He has hidden from us and we can rest in that. God WILL tell us what we DO need to know... WHEN we need to know it. Remember that too– God isn't stingy with His Knowledge!! He's just WISE. Don't assume something IS "hidden from you forever" just because you don't know it now. What to do then? ASK GOD ABOUT IT. Let Him reveal the motives of your searching heart. God WILL tell you the most important WHY right now– WHY are you seeking the answers you currently are? Are your reasons egotistical, or relational? Are they curious, or pious? Ask God to give you THAT information first. Believe me, if you are seeking knowledge because you just want to know and love and serve Him better, He WILL give you EVERYTHING you need, "and more"; but remember– to know God is to LOVE Him. I guess that's what I've been trying to say this whole time. True Knowledge, true Answers, honestly every "mystery" and "secret" worth knowing, is found in loving God. He is the only infinite depth, and the only one worth diving into. Every other "unknown" thing will be meaningless to you if you only know God even a little. We don't have to know the "why" of His decisions in data; we don't need to break it down to the cold specifics. We just need to know His Heart. We just need the Holy Spirit to breathe quietly into us. Knowledge and Understanding are HIS GIFTS after all!! Scripture doesn't "tell us" why God does many things because God reveals those "why's" through His Son and His Spirit, through Love and Faith. God is Light, and if we are IN the Light, "nothing will be dark to us." This too is a mystery, paradoxically. But that's how God works. "Even the darkness is as the day to You." We don't need to hyperanalyze the text to "find our answer" here. God IS His Own Answer– and Christ IS His Word. Look to the Gospel, and pray. God will not hide the Truth from anyone, as long as they seek it in Him, for love of Him. If you "can't find it," you're either looking in the dark, or in the wrong places. Truth is the lamp on a lampstand, the city on the hill. Truth CANNOT be a secret or mystery. Take hope and courage in that. Whatever you "don't know," don't worry. Take it to God. ASK for wisdom and light and truth. He will never withhold those virtues from you, even if He does refuse to give you certain information. Learn the distinction. Accept your finitude and limitations and subservient position. But give utmost thanks for the privileges and promises and power given to you still, by grace. God doesn't have to tell us anything. But He calls us His friends. He calls us His children. Listen to Jesus. He will tell you what you need to know.)


‼️ "Cain’s jealousy festers into murderous rage, ending Abel’s life in a tragic clash not over inheritance but over God’s approval. Abel, the younger, is exalted in God’s eyes, while Cain’s status as firstborn proves irrelevant."
(God will never approve sin. Check your motives. If you're seeking "status" with God you're already on the wrong track. If you're trying to "compete" with other Christians then you don't understand God's Love at all. It's honestly so sad that in our fear-driven pride, we so often apparently assume that God’s favor is a finite and conditional "prize"= that we must "win" it by being "better than" someone else, that there's "not enough for us both"– and besides "they don't deserve it as much as I do". Cain somehow felt that he had "lost" here? That if God loved Abel, God couldn't love Cain too? Why this cruel division between ourselves? Why this limiting of God's compassion and mercy? Why this jealousy? Did Cain kill Abel because deep down he feared that one day God would just decide "I like him better; he's perfect; why would I need someone as inadequate as Cain at all"?
Etc.)


⭐ "...Jacob exploits Esau’s hunger, trading a bowl of red lentil stew for the birthright. Esau’s impulsive trade is compounded by his marriages to Hittite women, which distress Isaac and Rebekah, raising fears about his suitability to lead their covenant family. Although Jacob is not without faults, he later deceives Isaac to obtain the firstborn’s blessing, which represents a material blessing of prosperity and authority. Yet Isaac always intended the covenant blessing of Abraham— promising land and descendants— for Jacob, confirmed by God in Jacob’s dream of the heavenly stairway."

⭐‼️ "Unlike Esau’s shortsighted trade, Joseph’s perseverance aligns with divine providence, enabling him to save his family from famine."
(FOOD parallel. Joseph PERSISTS despite threats of death, holding on to FAITH. Esau could not trust that far ahead. Interesting that "perseverance" ALIGNS with Providence, and THAT is what enables him to cooperate with it= God often takes great time to do great things. Perseverance is fueled by Faith. Joseph couldn't do anything at first but he didn't give up waiting on God. His FAITH was the GATEWAY FOR GRACE that KEPT his efforts ALIGNED with Providence!!)

⭐‼️ "Aaron, the elder brother, is a skilled speaker, while Moses, the younger, doubts his eloquence, claiming, “I am slow of speech and tongue”. Humanly, Aaron seems better suited for leadership, yet God chooses Moses to lead Israel out of Egypt and receive the covenant at Sinai. God appoints Aaron as Moses’ mouthpiece... but Moses holds the primary role as God’s chosen deliverer. This reversal highlights God’s pattern of empowering the less favored or self-doubting to fulfill HIS Purposes, subverting expectations of seniority or natural ability."
(I personally and unfortunately give too much credence to "natural ability & self-confidence" as "criteria for success" even with God. I was raised that way and it's very hard to unlearn. But it's utterly foolish spiritually. The whole point of God choosing someone with NO education and NO aplomb to do HIS Work, is so that it's OBVIOUSLY HIS WORK. Human "disqualifiers" become divine "qualifiers". He transforms our weaknesses by His Strength... but He doesn't remove them. THAT'S A HEAVY FACT. God DIDN'T make Moses eloquent. Instead, God worked WITH Moses's impediment, to "humble the proud" and to make the Truth revealed THROUGH Moses all the more awesome.)
(For all we know, God may have specially needed someone "slow" and "unskilled" to speak His Words, rather than someone verbose in vocabulary and prone to pleonasm, like me. God is simple. Human chatter is humiliating in the wake of His Word, and His Divine Silence says infinitely more than all the mortal speech in history. Saint Paul speaks on this same point.)
(By the way! If you DON'T have a natural ability or quality, WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT?? "Who makes a person’s mouth? Who decides whether people speak or do not speak, hear or do not hear, see or do not see? Is it not I, the LORD?" Moses's "disability" WAS ON PURPOSE. So is yours. GOD HAS A REASON FOR IT. Pray about it, be grateful for it, and surrender in hopeful trust to however He wants to use it for His glory in your life.)


⭐⭐ "God selects [the people of] Israel not [based on] power [–which they lack–] but BECAUSE they are “the fewest of all peoples,” whom He loves, in order to fulfill His covenant with Abraham... Israel embodies the “last” made “first.” In the New Testament, Paul describes the Corinthian church as “not many wise, not many mighty", yet chosen TO shame the strong... these communities [manifest] God’s preference for the humble and unexpected... offering hope to those who feel insignificant."


⭐⭐⭐ "The motif of divine reversal finds its pinnacle in Jesus Christ. Born in humble Bethlehem, He is no worldly conqueror. Scorned and crucified, He is the “stone the builders rejected”, yet His resurrection makes Him the cornerstone of God’s kingdom. His life and death embody the “last” becoming “first,” echoing [and fulfilling] the Genesis pattern and offering salvation to all. [In] the Kingdom of Heaven... the least significant or latest may be exalted, while the prominent or earliest may be humbled."

"These narratives are not merely ancient family disputes but divine object lessons. Abel’s favor, Isaac’s election, Jacob’s blessing, Perez’s breach, Joseph’s exaltation, and Ephraim’s precedence all point to a recurring pattern—God delights in choosing the weak to shame the strong."

"God’s ways are not ours. He does not measure worth by birth order, human merit, or societal status. His choices are rooted in grace, His purposes in redemption. Whether in the impulsive folly of Esau, the patient endurance of Joseph, or the crossed hands of Jacob, we see that God writes His story through the unexpected.
The ultimate reversal is Christ— the despised and crucified Who became the exalted King. IN HIM, the last are made first, the humble are lifted, and the overlooked are called. Genesis invites us to trust a God who specializes in surprising reversals, turning human weakness into divine triumph. Hold fast to His Promises, for He IS faithful to fulfill them— often in ways we least expect."

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https://biblehub.com/commentaries/hebrews/12-16.htm

⭐⭐⭐ "But why, pray, may not ["a place of repentance"]  equally well and naturally signify: “to gain room for a ΜΕΤΆΝΟΙΑ to unfold and assert itself,” as at Acts 25:16 signifies: “to obtain room for a [legal defense] to unfold and maintain itself,” or Romans 12:19 (comp. Ephesians 4:27): “to give room to the divine wrath to unfold itself and make itself felt”? ... the expression ΜΕΤΆΝΟΙΑ itself is unsuitable, inasmuch as “this word can surely only denote an inner emotion of the mind, but not the bare outward recalling of a measure or a verdict” or... “of human penitence"... Nevertheless there attaches likewise to the notion of the “change of mind,” as above insisted on as its primary requisite, the notion of a proceeding in the inner or spirit-life of the man; which, however, naturally does not exclude the accessory notion that this inner process has also as its necessary consequence an external action."


"subjectively: he found no place in his heart for the feeling of repentance"

"...in the Christian domain a repentance that is worthy of the name can never be too late, never ineffectual."

"repentance (penitence, amendment, i.e. for the return to the theocratic union by the laying aside of his unhallowed, frivolous character)"

"he repeatedly dwells on the hopelessness—humanly speaking—of all wilful apostasy. On the other hand, “apostasy,” when it desires to repent, ceases to be apostasy, and the very meaning of the Gospel is that the door to repentance is never closed by God, though the sinner may close it against himself."

"His “repentance,” if it failed, could only have been a spurious repentance—remorse for earthly foolishness, not godly sorrow for sin, the dolor amissi, not the dolor aàmissi."

"The words place of repentance mean an opportunity to repair by repenting. He found no way to reverse by repentance what he had done. The penalty could not be reversed in the nature of the case. "

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https://biblehub.com/commentaries/hosea/12-4.htm

⭐‼️ "...God by nature and essence, and an angel by office and voluntary undertaking."
("Angel" is NOT a "species" term????)

⭐"He prayed with tears from a sense of his own unworthiness, and with earnestness for the mercy he desired."
(Important because his keen awareness and admission of his unworthiness DID NOT PREVENT HIM FROM SEEKING MERCY. Honestly it should "ENCOURAGE" us TO beg for it??? Because mercy by definition IS UNDESERVED. Still, the very asking or even pleading still feels proud & demanding. We DON'T deserve it. But God WANTS to GIVE it. The only person telling us NOT to implore Him for mercy is the devil, who only wants us to be CONDEMNED. So don't do his job for him! When you KNOW you're a wretched unworthy sinner, utterly without hope on your own, then PRAY EVEN HARDER. And yes, WEEP over your sins. Do NOT cry the hot tears of bruised pride, of frustrated ego. Instead, mourn for the relationship you bruised with God. Mourn for the pain you put in His Heart by your betrayal. Holy tears are selfless. And THESE tears WILL pleas for mercy, with utmost earnestness, because they know that only mercy CAN heal the relationship. Justice rightly retributes, but it does not restore. Only mercy does. Only mercy can turn your wrestling prayer into ardent embrace. God wants to do that. HE desires it more than you ever can– arguably, YIU only desire reconciliation BECAUSE God desires it first. The devil hates this. He would rather you stay stuck and miserable in your "worthlessness"... except you're NOT worthless. You're only "unworthy." There's actually a BIG DIFFERENCE. The key is that NO ONE is "worthy" of mercy & pardon & forgiveness from GOD, because His Infinite Goodness and Perfection is such that our sins, brazenly committed in offense to THAT, automatically put us in an infinite debt to match! Besides– the very nature of sin is such as to EXCLUDE ITSELF from forgiveness = see the example of Lucifer himself! We humans have been BLESSED with ignorance alongside our free will; it PREVENTS instant damnation. THIS IS ALREADY MERCY. You started off unworthy, born with original sin and concupiscence, and yet God was preemptively giving you a lifetime worth of second chances... by hiding Himself from you. He did this to spark a seeking desire in your heart, and to enkindle hope, and to lay the very foundation of faith. When you weep because He feels so far away, it is that very "distance" that allows for your salvific ache... and if you ARE aching, and missing Him, then your heart is still capable of love and THAT is the MAGNET of mercy. Jacob wept because he FELT that he was unworthy, for his many foolish sins and his heart still inclined to stray... and yet he did not despair, nor did he hate himself; rather, he WEPT in PRAYER– his tears were not tossed to the wind, or performed to please his ego, but were GIVEN DIRECTLY TO THE LORD. Jacob wept IN A RELATIONAL CONTEXT. He poured out his heart to God in sorrow for sin because he RECOGNIZED that sin was broken relationship with Him– just like his track record with his family at large. At the river, stripped of everything he had gained and finally facing the brother he had first betrayed, taking the first step of his unworthy path, Jacob felt his whole life wrapped up in remorse as death loomed merciless in the dark. And yet he ACHED for mercy. He desperately wanted to make things right, to be better than he was, to finally "let go of Esau’s heel" so the both of them could walk freely at last. But he didn't deserve it. But he wanted it more than anything. He was sick of being the supplanter. So he turned to the only hope of all humanity– he lifted up his voice in prayer to the LORD, and he wept for mercy.)
(...he also FOUGHT for it. This was God as Justice too, perhaps, making that side of His judgment on Jacob felt in the arduous struggle, and yet this too being merciful, taking the place of something punitive. But the whole time, God set his child up to win. With the very first syllable of his heartfelt prayer, with the very first twinge of the fearful contrition that drove it, God was already pouring grace out upon Jacob. All he had to do was persevere... without getting proud. His "unworthiness" was what qualified him. He would "prevail" with God, if he didn't try to prevail over God.)

⭐⭐⭐ "Jacob’s wrestling with the angel was, as has been just intimated, not only a corporal conflict, but likewise a spiritual one; from bodily wrestling he betook himself to spiritual weapons; he poured forth tears with earnest supplications and prayers, and strove, NOT so much for victory, as for a blessing: the ONLY way for a feeble, impotent creature, to prevail over his Creator."
(When we become aware of our physical ineptitude in a situation where it is required, our split-second instinct is to pray. Our sudden realization that "we can't do this" triggers an instant soul-glance upwards to the One Who can. Only pride prevents this process. Jacob's wrestling had no arrogant bent. He was desperate to obtain, not to overcome. He was holding on to God not in some attempt to push God down as an opponent, but simply because he refused to let God go as a Savior. Thus his physical exertion was the very means of his utilizing spiritual weapons. Bodily weariness echoed in his sin-tired soul, and thereby called it to "combat" as well.)
(Actually, here's a sudden thought. Jacob would not have prayed to a "man." I am sure he was praying with tears prior to wrestling, BUT DURING the wrestling, was he continuing the weeping prayers "pointed upwards", and in his mind perhaps, without recognizing his very God held in disguise? Or is this passage referring to the comparably short period of time AFTER his hip was wrenched, and Divinity thus confirmed, upon which revelation Jacob's prayers would have become directly verbal and assumedly far more emotionally charged from the intimacy?)
("We ONLY prevail over God by PRAYER." There is staggering significance and depth in that. What is prayer, to have such influence on the Creator of All?)

⭐⭐⭐⭐‼️‼️‼️‼️ "Jacob had come into imminent danger of his life, and was assaulted by an unknown antagonist with his whole power. He therefore himself also exerted his bodily strength to the utmost against this antagonist, that he might defend his life. Nevertheless, he did not contend only with the strength of his body; his faith also wrestled: and first, in such an immediate danger, he comforted himself that he had been ordered by God to return into the land of Canaan [to which country, in obedience to God, he was now journeying.] Then with his whole heart he laid hold on the PROMISE made him by the Lord in Beth-el, where he was fully assured of the divine protection. When therefore he was in distress, and assaulted by an unknown enemy with all his might, although he used his own strength, yet he contended more strenuously by FAITH, beholding the promise, and concluding with certainty that God, according to His Word, WOULD be present with him in so great a danger, and WOULD save him. And with this faith, [so to speak,] he prevailed over God; for although Christ tried Jacob in this conflict, nevertheless He could do nothing against, or contrary to, His Word, on which Jacob relied.”
(OH MY GOSH I GET IT NOW. THAT'S WHAT "PREVAILED" MEANS!!! Christ gave Jacob his "secret weapon," His "only weakness"= He is faithful, and He had PROMISED to protect and preserve Jacob! So when Jacob, perceiving he was confronted with death, trusted in GOD ALONE to save and strengthen him, GOD HAD TO DO SO, and He did so with JOY. )