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Last night = watched The Bad Guys with Baby
BTW YES I APPARENTLY STILL HAVE A HUGE CRUSH ON MISTY LUGGINS
Mom & Lou are so... at peace, relying on us??
In then immediate context of the film, that hit even harder

Benadryl news warning??
Worried about consequences to us, considering how we used it as a sedative drug during CNC

Morning Rosary with Baby
Lauds in the theater!

BAD GUYS 2!!!
GALATIANS 6:9 BRO
Honestly afterwards I felt disappointed though? I started talking it out with Genesis to try to figure out why, and man i was WEEPING within minutes. This movie actually hit me WAY HARDER than I expected.
The disappointment? 1. Snake made into "comic relief" with his tumultuous "romance" in stark contrast to his character in the original AND in the comics, 2. The bad girls didn't get much "redemptive character development", and 3. The guys also didn't seem to "grow" much.
Still, I am VERY glad I saw this film because upon reflection, it has brought out a LOT in me and I really need to journal about BOTH the films as a unity.

Points i want to talk about later (not now, i need to eat and do Scripture study)=
⭐HOPE!!!
+ "SUFFERING for doing good," even "getting NO REWARD" for being good, versus the lure of "weren't your bad days easier/ more fun/ more tangibly rewarding"?
+ COMMISSIONER LUGGINS. especially "I trusted you!"
+ the LOLLIPOPS. "Is it strawberry or cherry?" = "i cannot trust anyone to be sweet because they've all treated me sour" basically;
& "i stole the bag"; she didn't eat them, but gave them out INSTEAD of the teacher = usurped the AUTHORITY position, "I DECIDE who is good or bad"?? Attempt to "transcend" or "reject" morality by being "powerfully bad" ironically?? LOTS of feelings about her backstory, ESPECIALLY that her alias is "KITTYCAT." She doesn't call herself "Leopard." Deep down i think there is still a brokenhearted little mewling wanting a lollipop to be GIVEN to her.
+ FEAR VS RESPECT = respect is EARNED! Also I realized you can be WORTHY of respect but YOU CAN'T FORCE IT from others. But you CAN force FEAR
+ DOOM's name, too = ravens are seen as harbingers of death; she apparently just accepted this as her fate, pun intended.
+ i want to think more about Pigtail, especially in light of my own "phobia" of pigs/boars.
+ PIRANHA PRAYING THE ROSARY??? MI HERMAÑO EN CRISTO???
⭐ THE IMMENSE AND LIFECHANGING VALUE OF CHOOSING TO SEE THE GOOD IN OTHERS/ GIVING THEM THE CHANCE & OPPORTUNITY TO BE GOOD/ BEING MERCIFUL & PATIENT WITH "TOUGH CASES" etc.
‼️ KITTYCAT NEVER GOT THIS and it's WHY she went "bad". Her teacher apparently had a PREJUDICE against her, for "looking scary", OR even because maybe she WAS a "problematic student." Nevertheless, Kitty TRIED to be good, in whatever way she knew and was capable of. But it "wasn't good enough". The bar was always too high, or simply put in a place she couldn't access.
+ BTW CHILDREN WON'T UNDERSTAND "GOOD" PROPERLY IF NO ONE HAS EVER MODELED IT TO THEM. They cannot "imitate and integrate" something they've never experienced. This is why you must be patient and kind with "troublemakers," because they typically come from troubled homes. You can only "correct" that behavior with compassion, NOT with angry punitive measures that probably just reflect their parent's behavior.
+ The "Bad Girls" having very "nonfeminine" body types? As opposed to Diane and her gorgeous hips, seriously. Felt like a sort of visual shorthand for "suppression of feminine virtues", or even just vulnerability?? Diane was never harsh or sharp; she was powerful, yes, but she was always kind, and soft too– notice her fluffy face and tail. Her edges aren't hard. But Kittycat's ARE. She's all muscle and bulk, and although yes that's gorgeous too, it's obviously a "threat display" on her part. Contrast to Pigtail being a TANK and yet still being presented as "soft," because all her edges are curves. Doom is in the middle; birds are are interesting. She's more vertical lines, almost "too cool," despite her flirting with Snake? I need to think about her more; I admittedly didn't give her enough attention in the film because I subconsciously "put her aside" in exasperation over the romance bit. That was unfair of me and I am very sorry. So I owe her one.
+ on that note and lastly = Snake's comment about picking locks being compared to romancing??? Hit home unexpectedly. I think he said you have to be "slow" and "gentle" and "playful" and "melt through" the cold/hard metal, so to speak? Something like that. But it hit me oddly sharp because I see those three descriptors as THREATS. And yet they apparently "picked the lock" of HIS heart. So I want to reflect further on that.
+ Obligatory question = I AM SURE THERE WAS SOME METAPHORIC PURPOSE FOR INCLUDING THE LUCHADORS AND YOGA REFERENCES.
+ "it won't be easy, but with the right attitude and the right friends, the "good life" will come to you" = important reframing of the term "good life", redefining it from "ease & wealth & power" to instead focus on integrity & relationships. Beautiful but heartbreaking because if you don't have good relationships it can RUIN you. THIS is why Christ calls us to mercifully "BE a neighbor" to others, actively and unconditionally, WHEREVER we see an unmet need or a lonely heart.


Quick Adoration stop on the way home
Hebrew study email = HOLY JESTERS?????????
COULD THE "NEW BLOODLINE" BE TIED TO THAT???

🌟🌟🌟 OH BTW I forgot to type that yesterday = we NEVER RECOVERED from CNC because the BLOODLINE CRASHED. Normally it would "GROW" or "SHIFT"; the Jewels and Jays "EVOLVED INTO" EACH OTHER like a lineage of descendants. THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN IN CNC BECAUSE WE ALL "DIED", AND THE PHYSICAL ALTERS TOOK OVER. Now when Jewel & Jay are "back," they're effectively "BACKUP SAVE SELVES" AND ARE NOT GROWING "OUT OF" THE CNC TIMELINE & GRANDMA TIMELINE???? They ARE DETACHED FROM THE TRAUMA and so we CANNOT MOVE FORWARDS because THAT DISTANCING LEAVES A GAP IN OUR CORE CHRONOLOGY!!!! So now we're actually wondering = would our "new Core," the one who would "PICK UP WHERE WE LEFT OFF" and reconnect the timeline and be ABLE to move us all forward, be an "outgrowth" OF THE "JESSICA" BLOODLINE???? Because THEY apparently picked up AFTER CNC??? And those "lost years" STILL HAVE TO BE INTEGRATED. But it is very confusing, with some of the old Jewels and Jays STILL being around but NOT AS ACTIVE CORES. And the Jessicas are allegedly unable to love, which DISQUALIFIES them from being Cores at ALL. So there's a lot to think about and work on.
But we will absolutely look into the jester thing. If we can remove the trauma from that term, I am sure it will help in some way– which is why God sent it our way– because the early teenage self USED to identify with that "name"!!! (AND with CATS?? It was a name pun that may have relevance too) We'll see.

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Oh wow JUST like yesterday, today's devotional is ON TOPIC to BOTH my life lately AND the film=
"Even godly people WILL tire of doing good things."
THAT IS SO IMPORTANT because it SOUNDS BLASPHEMOUS but it's NOT. It is a DEEPLY HUMBLING TRUTH and the sooner we come to terms with it & surrender to the reality of it, the BETTER we will be ABLE to do good WITHIN our human limitations, BY GRACE!! Let me assure you from experience– if you're trying to be godly, but assume "godliness" means "never having a hard time," or that "holiness" means "never making a mistake," YOU ARE ACTUALLY A SLAVE TO SCRUPULOUS PRIDE and GOD WILL LET YOU MESS UP AND COLLAPSE FROM EXHAUSTION SO HE CAN SHATTER YOUR SHELL OF PIOUS PERFECTIONISM AND GET THROUGH TO YOU. If you refuse to admit or accept or even FEEL when you're morally & spiritually tired, you'll end up "running on empty" and your "good works' will start to feel excruciating. I know. It's like when you're severely sleep-deprived, the slightest things can trigger an angry outburst or sobbing fit, because your mind and body are wrecked and need a recharge and they cannot operate properly until they do. DO NOT SAY, "GOD'S GRACE WILL GET ME THROUGH" YOUR DENIAL BECAUSE THAT'S DISHONEST & PRESUMPTUOUS. Sometimes God's grace will MAKE YOU STOP. Of course God wants you to "do good," but YOU'RE NOT GOD– you CANNOT do "ALL the good" and He doesn't expect you to!! God values quality over quantity! If you're tired, it means something needs attention; something is off-balance. Tiredness is temporary, but it serves a purpose. Our bodies only get tired for specific reasons, after all– no food, no sleep, overexertion, sickness, inflammation, age. Do any of those apply to you spiritually? Reflect on that. But DON'T pretend it WON'T happen!!)

⭐"That's why Saint Paul encourages everyone to continue to push forward in doing good. We should continue to help [and serve] people, [to] share the hope of Jesus with others, [and] live as God would want us to— especially when things get hard."
(GOODNESS = SERVICE, INTEGRITY, & EVANGELIZATION???)

⭐‼️ "God knows that we'll eventually grow weary. And when we grow tired and frustrated, we'll probably begin to question why we're doing any of this to begin with. (WOLF DID!!)
But Galatians 6:9 encourages us to persevere in doing good things [by] living godly lives and helping those around us... Similar to how a farmer must work diligently to plant his crops and WAIT for MONTHS before the actual harvest, Paul says there will be a harvest for those who do not give up."
(GOODNESS REQUIRES EFFORT. IT REQUIRES LABOR & DILIGENCE. Virtue is a MUSCLE you must EXERCISE!)

⭐ "If we do not give up, Scripture says there will be a reward for us. We may receive that reward during our time on earth, or in heaven— but regardless of when we receive it, we should persevere in doing good [motivated by our hope in God's Promise, and full of joy in knowing that we are doing His Will].
(The "firstfruits" of our "reward" IS the grace of perseverance itself?? Doing good IS "its own reward," even if it DOESN'T "make your tail wag" because it requires hard labor & sacrifice. It still keeps the fire of holy love burning in your heart. I have never regretted doing a single good thing, regardless of cost– that too is a great reward. I have grown in virtue as a result of choosing the good when it is the most difficult, and that is a great reward, as well as a great grace! You see how God's Gifts are all wrapped up in God's Challenges? But we only gain the prize by perseverance, which is what proves our hearts as true contenders. We must "finish every fight"! We cannot throw in the towel! We cannot give up on caring for our planted seeds halfway through the hot season! Where else would we even go?? (John 6:68) If we leave God's Garden for Satan's City, we will soon find that there is no fresh air, no running streams, no shady forests, no flowers to be seen. It is all cold metal and plastic and paper, an artificial world that drains you dry. THAT'S what will truly exhaust your soul, the way a cancer does. The "tiredness" you get from goodness is refreshing in comparison! Not only that, but "godly tiredness" is an invitation to rest, and to let OTHERS do good for YOU. Grace is reciprocal and relational, remember!)
(What is the reward in heaven? The Beatific Vision. Heaven is ultimate consolation.


⭐⭐💜 "That means that your work matters! There IS VALUE to how you live and love others. So, keep it up. Keep doing good. There are blessings on the other side of your pain."
(

⭐⭐💜‼️"Spend some time today considering the good that you have done and can continue to do for others. Who can you help? Who can you share the hope of Jesus with? How can you continue to persevere in living a godly life? If you've grown weary or defeated, make a commitment today to never give up. CHOOSE to persevere through whatever season of life you’re in, knowing that there will be a harvest for those who finish well."
(

⭐⭐⭐‼️‼️ "God, help me to never become tired of doing good things. As I grow closer to You, give me the endurance to serve and love others no matter how I’m feeling. I want to bring those around me closer to You— so please help me to act more like You."
(Goodness is, really, simply reflecting the character of God. It is letting Jesus Christ shine on others through us.)

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https://drelisblog.com/the-last-shall-be-first

⭐‼️ "The book of Genesis weaves a compelling tapestry of human ambition, divine promises, and startling reversals, with sibling rivalry emerging as a central theme that illuminates God’s sovereign choices... Genesis explores the struggle for birthright, divine favor, or covenant leadership."
(I never realized sibling rivalry was that prevalent but it IS. It's sad, though– fallen humanity is here defined by ambition, rivalry, struggle, competition, superiority... it's in direct contrast TO God's Promises; we try to "get for ourselves" by power, what we should instead be humbly receiving from God on HIS timing. We want what WE want, too, according to OUR understanding. This is WHY we get "startling reversals"– they're actually God turning things "right side up" in an upside-down world.)
(The very phrase "struggling for divine favor" is so sad. God doesn't play favorites, and you cannot "win" or "merit" His Grace, especially not by stepping over someone else. The same goes for leadership in the COVENANT. Remember it works like a FAMILY, not a dictatorship! Father figures, especially holy ones, must be SERVANT leaders. This is what Jesus exemplifies for us, and it's also what astonished His Disciples. They were working from this "Genesis mindset" too, with their ambition & rivalry & seeking favor, even after centuries had passed. This goes to show that we NEED God to "reverse and re-center everything" in His Chosen One, Jesus Christ– the Promise of Favor fulfilled, the Sovereign Servant Leader of the New Covenant, and the true Firstborn Who illuminates every human relationship and ends all our rivalry by His Generous Love. His sole ambition was to do His Father's Will, as man was meant to from the Beginning... and when we stop struggling to do things on our own, and instead humbly receive His grace and mercy, we are finally restored to His Family, to our Holy Father, and we will have peace at last.)

⭐⭐‼️‼️ "These stories consistently challenge primogeniture— the ancient cultural norm where the firstborn son inherits the family’s wealth, title, and authority, leaving younger siblings with diminished prospects! By repeatedly elevating the younger or less-favored sibling, Genesis reveals a divine pattern that subverts human expectations, affirming God’s authority to choose the unlikely to fulfill His Promises. For those feeling overlooked or marginalized, these accounts offer profound hope: God sees potential where humanity sees weakness, transforming the “last” into the “first” to accomplish His redemptive purposes."
(I didn't realize primogeniture benefits effectively "took away from" the younger siblings! But it makes sense; only one man can lead the family, and manage the business, etc. Would they possibly feel less connected to the family, the younger and less-favored they sadly were, if they were "at the end of the line" for "available blessings" and likely expected to "make it on their own"– in contrast to the firstborn, raised specifically in the bosom of his parents, linked to their legacy from infancy, made the icon of their hopes and heritage? Younger kids had older parents to begin with, after all, diminishing their vigor and capacity to care as closely? And the more elderly siblings they had, the less attention they would get, due to it being "spread out" over everyone else, and the "new baby" routine perhaps becoming mere routine? I don't know enough about their culture to guess, but I should research to understand better, so I'm not assuming or projecting.)
(God CHOOSES the UNLIKELY. That means so much to me. And what does He choose us FOR? To FULFILL HIS PROMISES. That is MIND-BLOWING.)
(God's Purposes are ALL REDEMPTIVE??? What else would He be doing, honestly? But He accomplishes them THROUGH PEOPLE– and specifically the "last" ones; the "least," the "forgotten" & "overlooked," the "leftovers," the "rejects," the "undesirables," "useless," the "wastes of space," the "burdens," the "blemishes on society," the "unwanted," the "unloved." The sick & scary & smelly & stupid, the weak & wasted & washed-up & wrecked, the homeless & helpless & hopeless & hated, are all still loved by God, to the astounding extent of even being chosen by Him to manifest His Goodness to the world. Why? Because His Power is made perfect in those who have no power of their own. God gets all the more glory & praise when His instruments neither seek any for themselves nor would merit it to begin with. God makes Himself the most evident when He works through a soul who has no ability to work on their own. God's Light shines brightest against the backdrop of their "darkness", declaring that these "unlikeliest" ones, dismissed and demonized by the proud, are not evil and are not to be avoided. God reveals His Face in the poor & lowly, in the downtrodden and the crushed, because in their poverty and detachment there is room for Grace to enter in... and TRANSFORM their hearts FOREVER. Once God has truly touched you, this world is nothing; it becomes a strange joy to be outcast from it, because now your sights are set solely on heaven, and the cross you carry is what carries you there.)


‼️‼️‼️‼️ "God looks on the heart. There was something in Cain’s motivation and heart attitude, and possibly something in his performance, that made his offering unacceptable to God. It was obviously something that he was aware of and COULD remedy, since God tells him after the fact, “You will be accepted if you do what is right". Abel, on the other hand, had the proper motivation, the proper procedure, and the proper relationship with God. That relationship was based on faith: “By faith Abel offered God a better sacrifice than Cain did”. Ever since the beginning, people must come to God in faith. “Without faith it is impossible to please God”, and [therefore] faith is evidently what Cain lacked."
(THIS IS A GAME-CHANGER. God's reply to Cain always intrigued me, because yes it DOES imply that Cain KNEW– or should know, by all means, as the very son of Adam– what WAS righteous... but he DIDN'T DO IT. So even in this rebuke and redirection, God is being VERY KIND & MERCIFUL. He is directly indicating the problem and patiently giving the opportunity to learn & do better, as well as giving SOLID HOPE that this "failure" is NOT an "end-all"! If Cain humbly "does what is right" next time– because yes, God DOES give a next time; he GETS a second chance– he WILL be accepted! And Cain KNOWS HOW, and Cain CAN REMEDY it. All there is now is time, in which to learn this new & unique grace of repentance and restoration!  This is reason for rejoicing!!)
(...but Cain "didn't have faith." THAT was what was missing. Cain could apparently talk with God but didn't have a relationship with Him. He didn't pray from his heart. He didn't follow procedure because he probably thought he had a better idea. His motives were compulsory, reluctant, selfish, seeking praise & gain for himself instead of God; seeking to be "favored over Abel" instead of seeking closeness to his LORD. Why do I suggest such things? Because that's how a heart thinks that doesn't trust in God. Of course Cain "believed" in God; they had just left Eden, and God literally talks to Cain in a direct way we can only dream of–so his "lack of faith" means that Cain trusted himself more than God. Maybe he refused to rely on what he couldn't see. I don't know. But when he made his offering, he KNEW it was somehow half-hearted or haphazard, and still didn't correct things. That just throws me for a loop. It means his heart was already turning cold towards God, somehow. I'm just... stunned, that Adam's own son didn't have faith in God. ...OH. MAYBE IT WAS BECAUSE HE WAS ADAM'S SON. MAYBE HE KNEW THE STORY OF THE FALL AND WAS MAD AT GOD FOR IT. MAYBE, IN HIS HEART, CAIN BLAMED GOD FOR IT. MAYBE CAIN COULDN'T RECONCILE THE IDEA OF A "GOOD GOD" WITH THE CURSE OF SIN & EXPULSION FROM EDEN, AND SO HE DIDN'T FEEL LIKE HE COULD PUT HIS TRUST IN SUCH A "CONTRADICTORY" GOD??? The irony is that Abel knew the SAME STORY and yet HE trusted God AS GOOD despite the reality of sin & death. This is worth meditating on far more deeply than I can today.)
(Could this "faith = accepted" idea also apply to Esau & Jacob, with God being merciful to the latter, despite his dishonest methods, since Jacob actually HAD FAITH?? It didn't excuse his actions, and it didn't prevent the consequences, but Jacob WAS STILL BLESSED, and God LED HIM INTO RIGHTEOUSNESS. But none of those good things would have occurred without Jacob having faith in the God Who COULD do such Good for him, and had even PROMISED to, despite his wretchedness. THAT'S why faith pleases God= it recognizes and honors His Character, Which is Love & Justice & Truth & Peace & Goodness itself, etc. Faith in God TRUSTS Him as LORD and RELIES on Him as Father. When our hearts are in that position, seeing and believing Him AS faithful, we naturally want to please Him, and our faith will open us up to receive the grace TO do so.)
(Jacob's motivation & procedure were "half & half"?? Was his morality skewed by culture, where such trickster behavior was seen as allowed under such circumstances? His motivation was the conviction that he was acting "on God's behalf" at benefit to himself?? And he didn't have a "personal relationship" with God yet, but he DID believe.)

‼️‼️‼️ "In Jude 1:11, we read, “They have taken the way of Cain,” a description that refers to lawless men. This may mean that they, like Cain, disobediently devised their own ways of worship, and they did not come to God by faith. Cain’s offering, while acceptable in his own eyes, was not acceptable to the Lord. In some way, Cain had perverted God’s prescribed form of worship, and [so] his heart was not right..."
(BEWARE TO ALL "CHRISTIAN WITCHES" AND "CHRISTOPAGANS"!!!)