080725

 

CHAOS ZERO DREAM 💙💚💙💚
Robotnik was confronting him again?  I think he was saying something like "you'll always be defined by your past; no one will ever trust you or love you because of it; that will define you forever." Etc. He specifically implied me somehow, because I was standing nearby.
Chaos just glared at him and I KID YOU NOT his response was, "We're married."
Then, at Robotnik's incredulous look, Chaos added, "We have a child."
Chaos did get violently angry at some point and started to choke Robotnik?  And I remember just calling out his name, Sternly but with so much love in it. He stopped and turned around and looked at me with this incredible expression–  Shocked and chastened and yet deeply moved.
I said something like, If I'm going to be put into the wife position then here, Let me act like they do in the movies, and Be the one reminding you of who you truly are.
And I walked over and I placed my hand right next to his Ruby.

Corpus Christi morning!
Beautiful altar space

Nutritionist Vidcall with Baby
We might have "mast cell syndrome"???

THRIFT STORE HAUL (AS A SYSTEM)!! We were TALKING WITH EACH OTHER THE WHOLE TIME so we DIDN'T GET LOST OR DISSOCIATE, and since NO somafoni could get in, we didn't buy anything stupid!
NEVERTHELESS, between yesterday & today... we spent $80. That's INSANE. We've NEVER spent that much on clothing before! BUT it was WORTH IT because we FINALLY have clothing TO wear on occasions that require a certain dress code = WE GOT THREE CHURCH OUTFITS, TWO BEAUTIFUL CHURCH DRESSES, TWO WHITE SHORTS & TWO TANK TOPS FOR HOME... and, by Divine Providence, a TEAL SILK TANK TOP FOR SLEEPWEAR. It is next to impossible to find silk tanks but they're the only things we can properly sleep in. God has provided! And it was ONLY $5. So we are FINALLY SET for everything! We've been wearing the same outfit for a SOLID MONTH because we didn't have anything else. Texture/ sensory issues make it so hard to buy clothes so our absolutely astounding "luck" of today's haul was a legit blessing from God.
BTW there was also a teal tank top with black tentacles on it and dude I wanted it so bad but it didn't fit proper. Plus, sadly, that visual motif has become too strongly associated with "eldritch" nonsense. Bro I just love cephalopods okay

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Trying to finish the Hosea 12:4 commentary page so we can FINALLY get into the CATENA commentary on Jacob & Esau, and then finally get back to 2nd Corinthians!!

https://biblehub.com/commentaries/hosea/12-4.htm

⭐‼️ "Jacob’s supplication and tears, here mentioned, probably refer to those earnest prayers which he poured out to God, as is recorded Genesis 32:9-11. The conflict here spoken of, in which Jacob had power with God, ended in an assurance that his prayers were answered."
(Jacob was assured because he had FAITH to begin with– faith in GOD'S PROMISES & TRUSTWORTHINESS. It is indeed possible to pray & plead & beg God for something, but deep down, to be so afraid that He will refuse to help, that you CANNOT feel any sense of assurance in your prayers. This doubt is what prevented Christ from performing miracles!! He HIMSELF spoke MANY TIMES against this spiritually deadly and tragic tendency = "whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours... Ask, and it shall be given to you... whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.” Evidently, being assured of God's answer to our prayers is SUPPOSED TO BE NORMAL, because our prayers are SUPPOSED TO BE SATURATED WITH FAITH IN GOD, to Whom we are praying to begin with!! We wouldn't BE praying if we didn't already have SOME trust & hope!! Just don't let doubt & fear & the lies of this fallen & cruel world choke out those beautiful flowers.)
(Once again, going into this study blind, I did not know that he specifically prayed BEFORE the wrestling began. And what's super notable about that is what the commentary on that verse says=)

⭐⭐‼️‼️"Jacob’s prayer, the first recorded in the Bible, is remarkable for combining great earnestness with simplicity."
(HOW does THIS prayer fit that criteria, when ABRAHAM'S SERVANT (Genesis 24:12) is actually the first person recorded as "reaching out TO God first" instead of God initiating communication? Honestly, prior to him, EVERY recorded instance of such dialogue was started by God Himself, either through visions or a voice, or through angels. But no one in Scripture "calls out first" until this poor and simple servant, sent to find the wife of Isaac, divinely destined for the first marriage consummated within the Messianic Covenant. This humble man was on a mission that would literally change history. He was the "angel" sent for the Promise and heralding a whole new lineage of man, of a whole new nation and people, of the perfect and perpetual plan of his master's God– and he had no idea. Man I think I actually want to study Genesis chapter 24 next; there is DEPTH here i never noticed before. In any case, Jacob’s prayer must count as the first COVENANT LINEAGE prayer recorded in Scripture? And it's not just "inquiring of God" like his mother did while pregnant. Nor is it actually comparable to Abraham’s servant's situation, because HE was only asking for a sign of divine will! No one in Scripture is recorded as PLEADING WITH GOD UNTIL NOW in Genesis 32. That's a fascinating detail and I am SURE it carries immense importance.)
(Why is "combining earnestness with simplicity" so "remarkable?" Is that not expected? Building off the dictionary definition of "earnest", Jacob is praying a "seriously important" prayer, one with great importance and firmness of purpose; he is giving it serious and zealous attention, and putting in all his vigor & effort... his intentions are solemn yet fervent, and his feelings are fully engaged in depth and sincerity. This is earnest prayer: the Etymological roots actually come from "COMBAT/ STRUGGLE", as well as "to set in motion"!! Jacob IS "wrestling" even just in his ardent spirit– and the "motion" implies that, as Jacob has actively involved his whole self in this prayer, the earnestly listening God is also moved. But as for the initial question: "despite" this intense devotion of exertion, the prayer he offers is not complex; it is not a litany, it is not a monologue, it is not an outpouring of every ache that his effort has unearthed. No, that prayer possibly comes with the physical wrestling (it sure does for me). But here he is no less earnest, and yet, the prayer is concise, precise, and direct; innocent, upright, and frank. He "simply" pleads and praises. He pleads the Promise, praises God for His prior faithfulness to it, and pleads for mercy in His continuing to do so for him and his family. That's it. The WHOLE PRAYER is BUILT UPON THE PROMISE. It is simple because it is PURE; there is NO EGO IN IT. For Jacob to be so zealously earnest without any admixture of passion is indeed remarkable, and attests to the genuineness of his faith.)


⭐ "After addressing God as the Elohim of his fathers, he draws closer to Him as the God who had personally commanded him to return to his birthplace."
(I love this "one step further" bit, because God invited it. Jacob had been commanded by God AS "his father’s God," by God personally reaching out to him, "drawing close" in a dream, calling Jacob into a new awareness of His Presence. But now, Jacob is effectively responding on his own, by echoing God's approach: Jacob personally reaches out to God in prayer, allowing for "drawing close" in the night encounter, where he is then called into a new purpose. But it begins by Jacob’s "step forwards"; he opens the door through prayer to the hope of God now becoming HIS God– which was actually his OWN promise, made at Bethel, to ONLY be fulfilled once he crosses the Jabbok! So God OF COURSE is going to fulfill that for him, in harmony with His calling! But my core point on the commentary is= We inherit our faith, "inherit God," from our parents and teachers and pastors. We learn about Him, about what He has done that proves Who He Is. But... we don't know Him for ourselves, yet, and so we cannot call Him "ours" until we do. It's like marriage, no surprise. Jacob acknowledges his holy inheritance, and presents it as a truth he accepts and embraces. But he doesn't leave it at that distance. He then speaks to God on a personal level. God called and commanded and promised JACOB, directly, not just in ways "handed down" from his ancestors. Jacob appeals to THAT, and so i feel he is subtly saying, "are You not therefore already my God?" He finally moves quietly into that space. "Help me survive this, so we can both prove constant in our promises to each other." This is an earnest prayer because it is finally built on personal relationship, even just the beginnings of it. We can only get close by getting personal. The two are linked.)

⭐⭐‼️‼️ "...While acknowledging his own unworthiness, he shows that he HAD ALREADY been the recipient of the Divine favour, and [IN that combined space he] prays earnestly for deliverance, [for both himself AND his family]. Jacob's mind does not rest upon his own death [as he prays], but upon the terrible picture of the mothers, trying with all a mother’s love to protect her offspring, and slain upon their bodies. [The prophets present this as] the most cruel and pitiable of the miseries of war. But finally Jacob feels that this sad end is impossible; for he has God’s PROMISE that his seed shall be numerous as the sand of the sea."
(We ALL can realize what Jacob did= we are ALL unworthy of God's grace, and yet He has ALREADY soaked us in it since conception. THIS is the foundation of ALL our hope= that God already loves us.
(HIS PRAYER WAS PURE BECAUSE HE DIDN'T FOCUS ON HIMSELF. HE FOCUSED ON THE PROMISE OF GOD– WHICH NECESSARILY INCLUDED HIS DESCENDANTS!! Jacob wanted to be delivered from death for THEIR sake= he saw them all in UNITY with himself and his future; NOT as mere "accessories to destiny" but as BELOVED INDIVIDUALS. He cares about them AS PEOPLE, with COMPASSION. This is evident by the fact that he specifically mentions them in his prayer to God. He would not have done so if they were not genuinely dear to his heart. This selfless love ALSO mirrors God, and may have "given further weight" to Jacob’s request for deliverance, so to speak; I believe that God cannot refuse a prayer given in and for TRUE love– which is love for God AND for man, inseparable– for He IS that very love within us, and has commanded us TO love in such a way.)

⭐⭐⭐‼️ "In [petitioning] man, it may be ungenerous to remind another of promises made and favours expected, but in prayer to God, each first act of grace and mercy is the PLEDGE of CONTINUED favour."
(This is honestly rewiring my brain. Again, GOD STARTS THE WHOLE PROCESS. Honestly that's ESSENTIAL and FOUNDATIONAL; man actually cannot start anything on his own! Everything MUST be enabled by GRACE and preceded by PROVIDENCE. If God doesn't will it, IT WON'T HAPPEN. So... God always acts first. This means that we cannot make God give us mercy or grace. We cannot earn or merit or deserve it anyway. GOD must CHOOSE to GIVE it FREELY... and He DOES. He does, ALL THE TIME. This is absolutely amazing. God's character and nature DOESN'T CHANGE, so if He IS "the kind of God" that lavishes love and compassion on His creatures, He will ALWAYS act like that regardless of "external circumstance". If God reaches out to us in gracious mercy, it's never a one-time thing. Remember, He ALREADY showers us with grace; our recognition and awareness of it doesn't interrupt or invalidate the process. God's not "doing so in secret". He's not trying to avoid attention. BUT, in that first blessed instance when we particularly and personally receive His Promise, and our life changes forever thereby– even if we only "received" it through reading it in Scripture, and realizing we were included in its eternal scope– that instant becomes special, a "pledge" that God's goodness towards us will and must continue. Of course it always would have– that's Who God Is– but He has lovingly and mercifully given you that pledge of a Promise, to assure your hope and steady your heart. And with every "new first" we discover or discern, God's graces are "renewed" in us, even "every morning". So how does this tie into prayer? Because unlike men, God actually loves to be "reminded" of His pledges & Promises. Why? Because He loves making them. God delights in generosity towards us. God enjoys bring kind and merciful. God "looks for excuses" to bless and forgive us! And when we remind Him of this, it shows that we TRUST Him TO be such a God! It actually demonstrates FAITH, and attention too– we wouldn't listen or care or remember or hope if we didn't TRUST Him, and BELIEVE Him... and that means He MATTERS to us. This is at the heart of all love, and love is the heart of all virtue= To become beloved, the other person first has to mean something to you. We all mean more to God than we can ever fathom. He demonstrates this by His unfailing, unending, unlimited grace. Our prayers prove that God means something to us. Prayer is communication, and that means relationship. Prayer cannot happen without trust. If we don't trust God to answer our prayers, or even hear them, then we don't have a close relationship with Him at all– we don't know Him yet. We must therefore pray more, to speak to Him more often and more openly. We must read Scripture more, to hear Him speak to us directly and constantly. God will pledge Himself to you in those verses, in the Promises His Son brings complete to you. Go to Mass; meet Him there. He also will pledge Himself to you there, in the Liturgy and the Sacraments. Do you see? ALL of these things are available and possible to you because God has already pledged continued grace and mercy, and will continue to do so. Do not be afraid to "remind Him of this" when you are afraid or in doubt, as long as you do so with the dogged hope that no matter how things seem, God IS Faithful and God IS Good. Remind Him, because in doing so you remind yourself, and prepare your heart to see that pledge proven. I think God loves to be "called to remember His Covenant" by believing souls, because the very imploring means we're thinking about Him in that context. He always remembers His Love for us that made that Covenant, don't worry. Our prayers just give Him special opportunities to prove it in personal ways. A wife tells her loving husband to "remember" that he "promised" to take her somewhere nice for her anniversary perhaps, but she fears it might not be possible, or that it's too good to be true, or that he didn't really mean it. Of course he meant it, and he already remembers, and he would never lie to her or promise what he cannot give. BUT in her worry she isn't able to truly realize this. So now that his wife has revealed the troubled thoughts of her heart, and her special hope in him, she has actually given him the chance to respond to her in a way that proves his faithfulness and kindness and care, thus deepening their relationship. Something like that. Except in Scripture the "bride" is Israel, specifically reminding God her husband, when she was in a situation of desperate danger and need, that He "promised He would help/save her." But here's the thing: a prayer is saying this to God with hope and trust in His character. Yet Israel also tragically repeats the promise in mocking disbelief during her exile: "You promised you would help/save us," while already denying its fulfillment. "I knew you weren't actually going to," she implies. Her statement is not a plea, but a condemnation. Incidentally this heartbreaking lack of faith & love is what made God so "angry" with Israel; her heart refused to commit to Him, because she kept turning to sensual idols, refusing to have heartfelt faith. But back to Jacob’s case specifically, a prayer "reminding God" ALSO isn't afraid to BEG– "please, I NEED you; you PROMISED to help!" There may be great fear, but never despair; the instant we lose that radical trust, the instant we doubt God's Goodness and Trustworthiness, we can't walk on the waves anymore, and we start to hear the serpent speak. Do not lose hope!)


⭐""He found him in Beth-el"— This refers to God’s appearing to Jacob after the former vision, when God renewed His Promise of giving the land of Canaan to his posterity."
(Notice how many times God RENEWS His Promises, all through Scripture, even without bring asked or reminded, purely on His OWN generous & gracious initiative! And "RENEW" is key, too. It doesn't mean "restate the details for clarity" or "say it again in case you forgot." God's Promises are COVENANTS. To "renew" them means He ACTIVELY RE-PLEDGES HIMSELF TO US, AS FAITHFUL. This is also marriage imagery. God cannot help but "renew His vows" as it were. He loves us that much.)

⭐‼️"The prophet takes particular notice of the place where God appeared to him: as if he had said, He appeared in that very place where you worship a golden calf as your god!"
(The calf never promised them anything. I'm sure God was emphasizing that. The calf couldn't earn their trust or hope or love. The calf didn't reach out first to call and bless and guide them. God appeared in its place, to reveal to them the TRUTH they were subconsciously seeking– the True God, the ONLY Creator, Protector, Provider, Lord, and Life.)

⭐⭐‼️""And there he spake with us"— Who were then in Jacob’s loins... signifying, that God did not only speak to him there, but likewise did, by so doing, instruct his posterity to the latest generation. Certainly the things spoken concerned Jacob’s posterity, as much, or more, than himself."
(This is amazing because it shows that hundreds of years prior, God KNEW his descendants, and spoke to them SPECIFICALLY through him. GOD WAS THINKING OF US, AND INCLUDING US, WHEN HE RENEWED THIS PROMISE– arguably, that's WHY He renewed it, because only NOW was Jacob made ISRAEL!! )
(This ALSO emphasizes the mysterious yet constant Scriptural theme of descendants being spiritually connected to ancestors, all the way back to Adam. No one ever exists in solitude or isolation or separation. Every single human being is part of a history stretching back thousands of years, and their lives STILL affect us NOW. That's a great mystery, and I am sure it is anchored in and only understandable in God.)

⭐⭐💜💜 "...the eternal and unchangeable God; Who CAN perform His Promise, and execute His threat; Who is a most terrible enemy, and a most desirable Friend."

‼️‼️‼️"[A sinner] feeds himself with vain hopes of help from man, when he is at enmity with God."
(No human can "guarantee" all his promises and claims. Besides, if you don't trust God to help you, don't act like Divine Providence is going to ignore that disposition. You reap what you sow. If you don't trust God's Goodness, then you walk yourself off from receiving it.)
(I also want to specifically emphasize "FEEDS himself," specifically with "vain hopes" of "help from man." His food is hope, his hope is in something perishable and fickle, he will starve spiritually; only God can nourish and satisfy our souls. I'm just so struck by the idea of FEEDING on such hopes, or more specifically, "being fed by" them: making those his meals of sustenance; LIVING by them.)

"Jacob's weeping is not mentioned by Moses. Hosea then knew more than Moses related."
(Prophetic revelation!!)


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