090825

 

More nightmares
Birthday party for some girl. Grandparents car. Sheep creature trying to break in through window.
Convicted of some crime by the girl. Did not defend self. Sentenced to beheading, in her kitchen. Our executioner was a pretty blond teen, who was singing a morbid song as she sharpened and practiced with the cleaver she was about to use. I waited silently. I dreaded the pain, knowing it would take more than one blow. I actually feared death as a result.
But suddenly Laurie was with me, cofronting so closely she was effectively tangible. I held her hand as the executioner girl swung the cleaver down. In the final seconds I was at peace. Laurie was with me, and I was so grateful for our life together, and now we were going to God.
"We had a good run, didn't we, kid?"


HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!!! 🤍💙🤍💙🤍💙

THREE of us in Adoration today!! That felt SO WONDERFUL. We're all there to worship Christ, just like we will together in heaven!
We need more people adoring Him. Bro I would LOVE a full chapel one day. Legit at least seven people all loving Him together, standing room only– and you know I'd be on my knees before Him if I could (but I would hate to put myself in a special position before others; in truth I would be standing in the corner, to make more room for others).

Allergies are crushing me today.
Genuinely scared. Itchy, lightheaded, tight throat, brain fog, etc.
Benadryl doesn't even make me tired thank God, but I'm worried I've built up a tolerance. My low weight allegedly helps it work better (a child's dose works for me), but my years of antihistamine abuse have probably levelled the playing field regardless.
In any case, once I can breathe again, EXERCISE MAKES ME FEEL BETTER. So do NOT skip or skimp.

Animorphs makes me cry every book. It also makes me SO NERVOUS haha. It's such a good series.
We're halfway through the first Megamorphs!

MARY GOT ME OUT OF THE OCD HELL SO FAST. It was amazing.
SHE'S amazing. On her birthday, the best gift to give her is letting HER give gifts of grace to US. Trusting her and letting her BE our mother is what she wants most. It makes my heart melt. Every day I learn a little more what it means to be a woman, to be a mother, to be female, to be like Mary. Every day I fear those things a little less and I love my heavenly Mother a little more. Thank God. Thank God!

Still so messed up about the body's hair. Nikolas in the mirror today. Female blepofoni not registering. I think the Systemind is trying to preserve the possible Bodycore bloodline by not letting any female blepos "claim" the appearance.



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https://mailchi.mp/3295ffe44738/hebrew-word-study-broken-heart-lenisheveri-lev?e=81f4dabd87

"...many of our modern translations often reflect the doctrine of the particular denomination or church that the translator represents.  In translating it is important to retain the ambiguity of many Hebrew words in ones renderings so that the reader will have the freedom to allow the Spirit of God to speak to him in ways that the teachings of his particular church would limit."

A broken heart is often an opportunity for a breakthrough in one’s heart.   

David knew that when his heart was broken there was another suitor, God, waiting at the door.  When his other gods (lust, wealth, power, advisers, friends, etc.) failed him, God was there waiting for his chance to capture David’s heart.  David saw his broken heart as an opportunity.  As a wound, when healing, is very tender to the touch, his wounded heart would be very tender to the touch of God and would feel God’s touch in a way he would never feel it prior to his loss.  

"...David "had a heart after God’s heart". This did not only mean he understood God’s heart but that his heart was constantly seeking to be joined with the heart of God.  Hence, every wound he felt... was an opportunity to experience the touch of God in a way he could not experience when all was well in his life..."

When that rose in your life fades or dies and you are left with a broken heart, what do you do?  You weep, you mourn, and you express your sorrow in many different ways.  These are normal responses and grieving must be allowed, but don’t let that wound blind you to the other suitor who is waiting at the door.  He is ready to seize the opportunity to touch your wounded heart and like David you can welcome your lenisheveri lev (broken heart) as an opportunity, a breakthrough, to feel the touch of God in a way you could never feel it when your rose was in full bloom.  When you suffer a broken heart you just want to be alone, but there is a Suitor at the door wanting to be alone with you..."

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PSALM 149 HEBREW TRANSLATION DEPTH=

"For the Lord takes delight in his people" = "rō-w-ṣeh" = 7521 ratsah = "to be pleased with; specifically, to satisfy a debt"

149= "He will beautify the humble with salvation"
+ Beautify = "yə-p̄ā-’êr" = 6286 paar = "to gleam & embellish"; "to boast"; "to explain & make oneself clear"; "to shake a ripe olive tree"
+ Humble = the "ANAWIM"!!!
+ Salvation = "bî-šū-‘āh" = 3444 yeshuah!!! = "something saved, i.e. (abstractly) deliverance; (hence) aid, victory, prosperity"

So the gist to my heart registers as =
"God is pleased with us, His people, because the debt we owed has been satisfied by Jesus. Christ is the embellishment of the poor in spirit; He makes them gleam with beauty. Christ is the boast of the humble; He is their victory. Christ speaks and makes God clear to man, through His work of salvation. God makes the meek beautiful by making them prosperous in virtue through Jesus's grace, which is revealed when He "shakes the tree" of our lives and good fruit is harvested for eternal life. THIS is why God is pleased with us– because in our affliction we turned to Him alone as our help, to His Son as our sole Savior. This CONFIRMED us as HIS people, and He made us beautiful by delivering us. Our crown of glory is Jesus. In Him we have come to know God." Etc.
But you see the LAYERS!!


ALSO that form of "ratsah" is used in Psalm 147 =
"The LORD delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in His unfailing love/ lovingkindness/ faithfulness/ grace/ mercy."
+ "Put their hope in" is also "trust, depend on, wait for, expect." = 3176 yachal = also "to stay, to tarry, to be patient."
+ "fear" is a new one for me = 3373 yare = "afraid, morally reverent"
+ "unfailing love" is 2617 CHECED!!!
Again, this implies that "those who revere God & rightly fear His power, yet who simultaneously know & expect & trust in His unfailing love and mercy, are the ones who please God"– and that pleasure is tied to DEBT SATISFACTION, therefore this verse is describing JESUS CHRIST!! He had CONSTANT and PERFECT trust in God's "checed," and yet I daresay Jesus was ALSO the ONLY man Who EVER truly feared & revered God as He deserves. "Fear" of God does not mean "hiding from God" or "being suspect of God." No. "Fear of God" is Gethsemane, when Jesus KNEW God's JUSTICE as keenly as His mercy, and KNEW the Cross was looming... and yet Jesus STILL LOVED & TRUSTED HIM UNCONDITIONALLY. There was no reason NOT to. Jesus HOPED for and EXPECTED God's lovingkindness, despite the circumstances. He WAITED PATIENTLY for it, even in utter agony. The Cross itself was the high point of this holy fear, AND its fulfillment– paradoxically, the Cross WAS the "checed" Jesus depended on, and it is ALSO the same for US, when WE follow Christ in His holy fear! THAT'S the "debt paid"= CHRIST'S OBEDIENCE UNTIL DEATH, possible ONLY THROUGH LOVE. That's right, you CANNOT have holy fear without holy love!! So in Psalm 147, a deeper meaning is = when, in imitation of Jesus and by His grace, we revere God with loving fear, trusting in His mercy despite all our suffering, then through Jesus, God is pleased with us and is happy with us– because His Son paid our sin-debt in that very same manner, and perpetuates His self-sacrifice IN us. So God's delight in His Son overflows to us for His sake.

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https://mailchi.mp/broadstreetpublishing/i-hear-his-whisperfind-fulfillment-in-me-7787290?e=ba01d0c4f7

(THIS MEANS SO MUCH TO ME RIGHT NOW)

"I Hear His Whisper... My silence serves as a lesson.
Even when you cannot sense me, I am here. I hear every prayer and see every sigh of your heart. I know every thought you think. I am with you right now. I promised to never leave you. It may feel like I’ve stepped back, left you without direction or the sound of My Voice, but I haven’t. My seeming silence is a lesson— a reminder to be still and find Me by embracing the Quiet I WANT your mind to find."
(That is a KEY DISTINCTION here. Intellectually i know God hasn't "left me," but I DO fear that He has "stepped back" in a way that feels like He's fed up with me, like He doesn't want to be close, like I'm so bad that holiness cannot come near me. "Unclean, unclean!" Basically. But "I'll never leave you" apparently ACTUALLY means "I'll never walk away from you." It means "I promise to STAY CLOSE." And that is... I can barely believe it. It's "TOO good"; it feels blasphemous to hope for. And yet... "you WILL find me," He says, when my whole heart seeks Him. That doesn't mean He's hiding far away. It only means that I'm not using my senses properly. God IS there, but if I'm not looking with pure eyes of love and faith, I won't see Him. God IS speaking, but if I'm not listening with a quiet, still, and humble soul, I won't hear Him. And God WANTS to be seen, and heard, and found, and held close... for my sake. That's stunning. But that's how loving He is. He created me out of sheer love and He created me to delight in. He destined me to become like His Son, to be made one with Him by His Spirit, to enter into the bliss of the Beatific Vision for eternity. God WANTS all of that for me and He is UNSTOPPABLY WORKING TOWARDS THAT END EVERY MOMENT. My entire life history is proof of His terrible justice and His tender mercies and His all-powerful graces... my entire existence is a testimony to the truth of His salvation. So why in the world would I EVER think He has "left me," even for a moment? God KEEPS His promises FOREVER. God is ALWAYS with and within me; God is ALWAYS speaking and listening to me; God is ALWAYS guiding and protecting me; God is ALWAYS loving and saving me. That's Who God IS. That's a FACT, when when I am blinded and deafened by the cacophanous horror of this world. God is only "silent" because He knows my heart needs the silence. He speaks most clearly there. And my heart knows this, and cherishes it, and yearns for it. When God seems to be absent, it is actually an urgent invitation to draw nearer, to flee from the angry noisy bitter world and come close, to go deep, to leave everything else behind and seek His sweet Face. It's an act of mercy, an act of love. He calls me so that I have the joyful privilege of responding. He "conceals" Himself only to have the joy of revealing Himself to me in my moment of most aching need. It's a courtship. Silence and tenderness are intertwined. Treasure God's quietness, because it's actually the doorway to deeper relationship.)

"It isn’t that I’m not speaking. Often, I’m just speaking in a way you don’t recognize. Pay attention to the cues all around you in life. I speak in many ways and through many different instruments. Remember the countless times I led you to answers in surprising ways. I know how to get you where you need to go. I have never failed you, and I never will fail you. Always remember that I am faithful. If all you hear is silence, yield to that silence. You will find Me there."


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https://www.vatican.va/content/leo-xiv/en/homilies/2025/documents/20250907-omelia-frassati-acutis.html

"Upon the death of his father David, [King Solomon] realized that he had many things: power, wealth, health, youth, beauty, and the entire kingdom. It was precisely this great abundance of resources that raised a question in his heart: “What must I do so that nothing is lost?”  Solomon understood that the only way to find an answer was to ask God for an even greater gift, that of His Wisdom, so that he might know God’s plans and follow them faithfully.  He realized, in fact, that only in this way would everything find its place in the Lord’s great plan.  Yes, because the greatest risk in life is to waste it OUTSIDE of God’s plan."

"Jesus... speaks to us of a plan to which we must commit wholeheartedly.  He says: “Whoever does not carry the cross and follow Me cannot be My disciple”; and again: “none of you can become My disciple if you do not give up all your possessions”. He calls us to abandon ourselves without hesitation to the adventure that He offers us, with the intelligence and strength that comes from his Spirit, that we can receive to the extent that we empty ourselves of the things and ideas to which we are attached, in order to listen to HIS Word."
(The ADVENTURE therefore IS the very process of carrying the Cross!! But we cannot "pick it up" if our arms are wrapped around the world.)
("No hesitation" requires a radical TRUST in Jesus's words being absolutely true, and in His mission being absolutely WORTH following at any cost. So yes, we NEED THE HOLY SPIRIT to have that kind of required faith at all! It's impossible for mortal, worldly minds.)
(Remember our etymology study. God fills what is empty. God lifts up the lowly. God exalts the humble. God raises the dead. His Power is made perfect in our weakness.)

"Many young people... have had to face this crossroad [between the world and Jesus] in their lives. Think of Saint Francis of Assisi, like Solomon, he too was young and rich, thirsty for glory and fame. That is why he went to war, hoping to be knighted and adorned with honors."
(Am I doing this with spiritual warfare?? I'm afraid I'm seeking "to be knighted & honored" in some way– to be so "valiant in war" that I'm glorified for it. How blasphemous!! Tilly, not all of us want "fame " That's why we deleted the Tumblr. It felt way too much like a self-promoting effort; no matter how many religious quotes we posted, it just felt like we were desperate for recognition as a "good Christian," not just as "pious" and "devoted," but as a "teacher of the ignorant" and a "guide to the truth". Because of that it felt purely performative, exhausting and anxiety-inducing. We're STILL doing it with these bloody article commentaries. Why??? We're so afraid that if we DON'T "preach" on EVERYTHING we read, we're being "negligent" and a "lazy Christian" who "indulges in ignorance"??? It's exhausting. It's miserable. I just want to READ, but BOTH "not studying it" and "not sharing it" feels like a huge selfish sin of omission. I seriously need to ask a priest about this.)

"But Jesus appeared to him along the way and asked him to reflect on what he was doing.  Coming to his senses, he asked God a simple question: “Lord, what do You want me to do?” From there, he changed his life and began to write a different story: the wonderful story of holiness that we all know, stripping himself of everything to follow the Lord, living in poverty and preferring the love of his brothers and sisters, especially the weakest and smallest, to his father’s gold, silver and precious fabrics."


"How many similar saints we could recall!  Sometimes we portray them as great figures, forgetting that for them, it all began when, while still young, they said “yes” to God and gave themselves to him completely, keeping nothing for themselves. 

💜💜💜💜💜 "Saint Augustine recounts that, in the “tortuous and tangled knot” of his life, a voice deep within him said: “I want you”. God gave him a new direction, a new path, a new reason, in which nothing of his life was lost."


"...a young man from the early 20th century and a teenager from our own day, both in love with Jesus and ready to give everything for him."

Pier Giorgio encountered the Lord through school and church groups... and he bore witness to God with his joy of living and of being a Christian in prayer, friendship and charity.  This was so evident that seeing him walking the streets of Turin with carts full of supplies for the poor, his friends renamed him “Frassati Impresa Trasporti” (Frassati Transport Company)! Even today, Pier Giorgio’s life is a beacon for lay spirituality.  For him, faith was not a private devotion, but it was driven by the power of the Gospel and his membership in ecclesial associations.  He was also generously committed to society, contributed to political life and devoted himself ardently to the service of the poor.
Carlo, for his part, encountered Jesus in his family, thanks to his parents... and then at school, and above all in the sacraments celebrated in the parish community.  He grew up naturally integrating prayer, sport, study and charity into his days as a child and young man.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ "Both Pier Giorgio and Carlo cultivated their love for God and for their brothers and sisters through simple acts, available to everyone: daily Mass, prayer, and especially Eucharistic Adoration... Another essential practice for them was frequent Confession... Finally, both had a great devotion to the saints and to the Virgin Mary, and they practiced charity generously."

 Carlo used to say... “Sadness is looking at yourself; happiness is looking at God.  Conversion is nothing more than shifting your gaze from below to above; a simple movement of the eyes is enough.”  

Carlo wrote: “The only thing we really have to fear is sin;” and he marveled because — in his own words — “people are so concerned with the beauty of their bodies and do not care about the beauty of their souls.”

"Pier Giorgio said: “Around the poor and the sick, I see a light that we do not have”.  He called charity “the foundation of our religion” and, like Carlo, he practiced it above all through small, concrete gestures, often hidden, living what Pope Francis called “a holiness found in our next-door neighbors”.

Even when illness struck them and cut short their young lives, not even this stopped them nor prevented them from loving, offering themselves to God, blessing him and praying to him for themselves and for everyone.  

"Carlo... loved to say that heaven has always been waiting for us, and that to love tomorrow is to give the best of our fruit today."

Dear friends, Saints Pier Giorgio Frassati and Carlo Acutis are an invitation to all of us, especially young people, not to squander our lives, but to direct them upwards and make them masterpieces. They encourage us with their words: “Not I, but God,” as Carlo used to say. And Pier Giorgio: “If you have God at the center of all your actions, then you will reach the end.”  This is the simple but winning formula of their holiness.  It is also the type of witness we are called to follow, in order to enjoy life to the full and meet the Lord in the feast of heaven.


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Divine Office GORGEOUS today. SO many insights & inspirations.

Per te sumus, terrígenæ
simúlque iam cælígenæ,
pacáti pace nóbili,
more non æstimábili.


let us be known as her children by our way of living.


Christ, our Redeemer, you made the Virgin Mary the sanctuary of your presence and the temple of the Spirit;
    make us bearers of your Spirit, in mind, heart and body.


Christ, our Saviour, you willed that your mother should be there when you died;
    through her intercession may we rejoice to share your suffering.


King of glory, Lord of power and might, cleanse our hearts from all sin, preserve the innocence of our hands, and keep our minds from vanity, so that we may deserve your blessing in your holy place.


With the old shoot left behind,
Graft us to a new shoot;
Through you may the human race become
A royal priesthood.

With your holy prayers free us
From the bonds of guilt;
As we reveal your merits
Bring us to the rewards of heaven.


O most noble Virgin,
Glory be to the Trinity,
Who give you [to us] as a splendid treasure
Of their rewards. Amen.


‘The fulfilment of the law is Christ himself, who does not so much lead us away from the letter as lift us up to its spirit. For the law’s consummation was this, that the very lawgiver accomplished his work and changed letter into spirit, summing everything up in himself and, though subject to the law, living by grace. He subordinated the law, yet harmoniously united grace with it, not confusing the distinctive characteristics of the one with the other, but effecting the transition in a way most fitting for God. He changed whatever was burdensome, servile and oppressive not what is light and liberating, so that we should be enslaved no longer under the elemental spirits of the world, as the Apostle says, nor held fast as bondservants under the letter of the law.


Lord God, ruler and guide of heaven and earth, you gave Christ a share in our human race, made him a priest, and brought him into the temple of your glory. Make our intentions pure and selfless and give virtue to our thoughts, that the King of glory may enter our hearts and bring us rejoicing to your holy mountain.


Lord God, your only Son wept over ancient Jerusalem, soon to be destroyed for its lack of faith. He established the new Jerusalem firmly upon rock and made it the mother of the faithful. Make us rejoice in your Church and grant that all people may be reborn into the freedom of your Spirit.


Let there be one common festival for saints in heaven and men on earth. Let everything, mundane things and those above, join in festive celebration. Today this created world is raised to the dignity of a holy place for him who made all things. The creature is newly prepared to be a divine dwelling place for the Creator.

Joseph. It is the father’s prerogative to name a son, and by so doing Joseph takes the child as his own. We hear little more of Joseph, but what a joy it must have been to have Jesus as a son! What a relationship there must have been! What responsibility too! When Jesus calls God his ‘Father’, he is using the concept which must have been formed in his mind by his adoptive father, Joseph, the perfect ideal of the loving father.


all of us who possess the first-fruits of the Spirit, we too groan inwardly as we wait for our bodies to be set free. For we must be content to hope that we shall be saved – our salvation is not in sight, we should not have to be hoping for it if it were – but, as I say, we must hope to be saved since we are not saved yet – it is something we must wait for with patience.
    The Spirit too comes to help us in our weakness. For when we cannot choose words in order to pray properly, the Spirit himself expresses our plea in a way that could never be put into words, and God who knows everything in our hearts knows perfectly well what he means, and that the pleas of the saints expressed by the Spirit are according to the mind of God.