080325

Homily today =
Rich in God's sight = GENEROUS = GRACE ABUNDANCE TRUST
Everything God gives us is meant to serve and benefit others

BLOOD ON THE ROSE.

Talking to many neighbors!
Charlene, Paul, Mike, Nick
Remember Shahrooz's pizza later too!
It's good to have community on a Sunday.
Saint Paul book daily reflection fits this exactly

SPHERAE INSPIRATION OUT OF NOWHERE????
THANK YOU GOD!!!!!

Fighting the OCD hard today!

Still obsessing over this weeks schedule, with catsitting Baby.
I think I'll spend the evenings with her. I'll bring my laptop and do my work there, to keep her company.
Maybe I'll go over early before 7am mass, too, because she's used to mom bustling about before work from 5-6am anyway. That way it'll be more "normal" for her, with me there while mom's away. Maybe I'll say my "audio prayers" (Rosary, Saint Bridget, Ascension & Youversion reflections) during that time to give her the "noise" too; otherwise I'm very quiet!
In any case it's actually an "honor" to do this... it proves that my mother trusts me, and her boyfriend trusts me, to be in their house with their beloved cat for 5 days. In the past this NEVER would have happened; I was too criminal. But now, I'm being invited into their home, even asked to be there, and my presence isn't a threat or burden or problem. That... that is huge. That is solid proof that I have changed for the better, significantly and genuinely so, by God's grace, even since last year. Do not downplay or devalue this fact.



------‐--------------------------------------------------------------------------

All the tabs are cleaned up as of yesterday! So finally we can focus back on the Biblehub commentaries & etymology

Hopefully finishing Hebrews 12:17 today.

OH WAIT FIRST it's Alexander Maclaren homily time!! I LOVE his insights; prepare for MUCH copypasting of it

‼️‼️ "...what Esau is represented as seeking, and seeking with tears in vain, is not repentance, but the Father’s blessing."
(Vital note = you CANNOT disconnect the two!!)
("Tears in vain" = tears that ARE vanity; they were not of a "godly sorrow" but of a worldly one!! He wept for material loss and the grief of a lost benefit; he wept out of regret but not remorse. His hopes were dashed all at once and the blow was indeed painful; of course he cried! He assumed he had lost his last chance TO be blessed by his father, too, who I feel I rightly assume was dear to him. So his tears were valid and legitimate and real... BUT VAIN. They could not retrieve or restore what was lost or taken away. They could not coerce his father to make a similar effort. And, they could not achieve anything of spiritual value. His tears were ALL FOR HIMSELF, in the end. THAT'S what made them useless!)

⭐‼️"The character of Esau is a very simple one. In many respects he is much more attractive and admirable than his brother Jacob."
(Very interesting thoughts here. First= an Ironic parallel of "simple" to Gen 25:27= Jacob is there described as "simple" (CPDV) in contrast to Esau; the Hebrew word is "tam" and is more often translated as "complete." So it ideally fits the more subtle Greek translation of "simple" seen in uses of "haplous", "akakos," "akeraios"= meaning "clear," "innocent," "harmless," "guileless"= an "undivided" and/or "unmixed" heart and soul. Jacob was not so at first, in his behaviors or motives, BUT I like to think that the description of "tam" was more of a "prophetic declaration" over him; a recognition & designation of the true kernel of his heart, regardless of current immaturity, that he was called to grow into through grace. In that way he is indeed the "type" for ALL the "children of Israel" in future ages. God calls us to be blameless & perfect before Him– to be "tam"– and we ARE so, in Christ, whose entire life proved Him as the fulfillment of Israel. He MADE us "tam", "complete," in Himself, through His utter simplicity of heart & soul: Christ was about ONE THING = doing the Will of His Father, Who Himself is divinely simple. (https://www.catholic.com/magazine/online-edition/what-is-divine-simplicity)
ON THE OTHER HAND... For Esau being "simple," we can refer to the Hebrew word "pthiy"= the "silly," "gullible," "thoughtless," "easily misled"– literally, the "seductible"... someone easily enticed or deluded. It is explicitly a lack of wisdom, knowledge, and prudence. New Testament Greek renders "simple" as "idiotes"!! But there it means one who is merely"ignorant"; a man "unlearned & unrefined" but not necessarily "bad;" the Greek focuses more on a lack of "gifts" and "education," not morality. That potential aspect of "simple" men is clear in the Hebrew = a man who is "ignorant & unlearned" in WISDOM is thus entirely prone to folly & evil persuasion; left to his own natural human ignorance, he will easily be lured into lust for the lies of the world. Calling Esau "simple", therefore, is actually more merciful than calling him an outright "fool" ("kesil")= THAT word "is not intellectual deficiency but spiritual and moral obstinacy". Thank God, we have proof of this being the case in Genesis 27= Esau has apparently grown in virtue, meeting his long-gone and once-hated brother with a wholehearted, reconciliatory embrace... and joyful tears. Perhaps, in his "simplicity," he had a secret grace– there was ultimately "no room" in him for the complexity of cunning that Jacob could foster. Esau may have been equally capable of "letting go" of his hot emotions as he was of feeling them to begin with. Was Rebekah right? Or was it only God's grace in faithfully blessing Esau despite his own failures that moved his heart to let go of vengeance, seeing that under Providence he hadn't lost what he had needed? In any case, his tears now are the opposite of vain– they are "simple," guileless and unmixed, and a blessing to his brother.)
(Second thought = building on the "simplicity ("akeraios") of God/Jesus" in contrast to the "simplicity ("pthiy") of Esau", the homily calls Esau "more attractive and admirable than his brother Jacob (Israel)." I immediately thought of Isaiah 53:2. This is another striking contrast between the "earthly man," Esau– his very name like "Adam" himself out of the "red dirt"– and Jesus, the "firstborn of God," Himself the true Israel, the new "Adam" from heaven. Esau, all rugged & manly & powerful, is indeed "attractive" from a natural viewpoint. But Jesus, judged as meek & mild & maybe even effeminate & weak (despite probably having the build of the carpenter He was), "had no stately form or majesty" in worldly men's sight; "no special appearance that we should want to follow Him." Esau was all muscle and bright red hair, a real "man's man," definitely an eye-catching and charismatic figure. Yet Scripture tells us, with shocking bluntness, that Jesus "wasn't some handsome king. Nothing about the way he looked made him attractive to us"... "He had no beauty that we should desire him." Remember what "pthiy" means. Jesus doesn't seduce anyone. He has zero appeal to those "unlearned" in the things of God. Those people are too busy chasing after the empty promises of the devil– too busy flirting with idols. You all know how that ends. Even so, as much as He yearned to be yearned for, Jesus didn't ever try to win anyone over with appearances, even the "simple" who would be "attracted" to glory & glamour. That would still be manipulative, and it would only attract shallow admirers and curiosity seekers. No, Jesus wanted Love, and Love HAS to be FREE. So He refused to even risk giving even the slightest impression that He was "seducing the people"– despite the claims of the religious leaders (Saint Paul also dealt with this). Jesus was purposefully "unattractive". He was "plainer" than Jacob, "dwelling along the tents" of humanity, a humble Shepherd, living with His Mother... you get the idea. But the big point here is = people with "simple-headed," "worldly," "profane" hearts like Esau will find him attractive and admirable, but not Jesus. On the other hand, "innocent", "wise," and "spiritual" hearts through the grace OF Jesus will find in Him a beauty and glory beyond all telling, and will desire Him more than life itself.)
(Also remember God describing DAVID versus his brothers at his anointing?? 1 Samuel 16:6-7 + 12; interesting inclusion of BOTH these ideas in one man)
(As for being "admirable," the same principle stands, in reference to virtue. We'll get to that in the next paragraph. In short, though, the spiritual man will only admire in Esau what he first recognizes in Christ Jesus. The worldly man will admire in Esau those "worldly virtues" that Jesus stands in blatant contradiction to, or those innate "human virtues" that Jesus naturally does display, but not in any way they can recognize.)

⭐⭐‼️"[Esau] is frank, generous, quick to kindle into anger but quick to forgive; placable, easily to be entreated; with the wild Arab virtues of chivalry and generosity and bravery; and the vices belonging to such a character, of almost utter incapacity to rise beyond the present, and of a great susceptibility to mere material and sensual gratification."
(I honestly love that Mr. McLaren has taken the loving care to discern and declare actual virtues displayed in Esau, even in what little we know of him, and how unfavorable most of it admittedly is. THIS is how you live out 1 Corinthians 13:7.)


‼️‼️‼️"The birthright is a long way off, very unsubstantial, very ideal, and the thing that is nearest him, though it be small, shuts out from his view the far greater thing that lies beyond. Therefore he elects to secure present gratification of a material character, whatever becomes of future satisfaction of a higher and more spiritual nature. And are you going to throw stones at him for that? ...Is there nobody here that believes more in wealth than in purity? Is there no young man here who would rather live to make a fortune than to cultivate his own nature into loftiest beauty? Are there none of you that despise the priceless things, the things that have no price in the market because they are beyond all its wealth to purchase? Are there none of us who are such fools that a [tangible] spoonful of pottage today seems to us to be more real and more precious than a whole [invisible] heaven hereafter?"


⭐‼️‼️‼️ "Esau had a show of reason [according to this world]. He said: ‘I am ready to die, and what will my birthright do for me?’ [But it is] Better a thousand times that he, or we, [when making a moral decision would come at significant physical cost,] should die "as animals" [do, by willingly submitting even to death by means of hunger or cold or illness or violence, in order] that we may live [instead in eternity] as the sons of God, than that we should buy [mere animal] existence at the price of true life [by choosing to preserve or protect our mortal body and health by unjust, immoral, or ungodly means]."


"...his faults are nothing at all extraordinary, but only putting in graphic form, and in such disproportion as to be almost absurd, the choice that the mass of men always make between present and future, between the material and the spiritual."
(This framing of Esau as a "symbol of man's internal struggle" is so important to discern & ponder. Scripture DOES do this FREQUENTLY; it is FULL of types & patterns & symbols & themes, motifs & memes & metaphors, because it is the true story of all mankind, of every human soul, and we are MEANT to discover ourselves in every word of it, because we ARE there, just as we are all in Adam, and are called to be in Christ. Scripture has literally infinite depth and application to every single person's individual life as a result. You cannot study it without studying yourself in the very process. And so when we read about Esau and Jacob, every one of us is reading about not only those real men of old, our ancestors and brothers, but also about ourselves, connected to them through Adam if not by Abraham, and knowing in our common life what it means to be human, to be a creature of God, in these broken bodies and in this broken world, yet always and incomprehensibly embraced by endless invincible grace.)

‼️"...afterwards, we do not know how long, he found out what a fool he had been..."
(Notable= it took THAT LONG because that realization was apparently ONLY POSSIBLE through his FACING THE CONCRETE CONSEQUENCES of his decision. Esau had a "sensual" mind; so he needed a "sensible" demonstration of the "unseen outcome" of his choice for it to make sense to him??? The birthright had just been an "intangible idea" to him; it was only "real" in theory; unless acted upon, it was effectively "unreal." The soup was not, in blunt contrast; nor was his hunger. They were tangibly existent to him, right then. He did not have the capacity for true"faith"– to trust, based on the trustworthiness of another, that what they "promised" to him in a yet unseeable, ungraspable, even uncertain future was nevertheless both in their power and possession TO give, and WOULD be given at the proper time. But Esau was blinded by the threat of death, judging all intangible future things as its hapless prey by default, surrendering them all to its jaws when it growled in his hunger. Esau seems to have had no real faith in spiritual realities, and therefore he also had no hope. If he did, he would not have sold his grounds for it for the paltry price of stew. "But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait eagerly for it with patience and composure." None of that was so with Esau. He didn't feel like a fool for what he did because it was "reasonable" to his stunted understanding and earthly priorities. His "foolishness"– his impatient lack of foresight, and ignorance of the big picture– only became apparent to him when the consequences of his repudiation were manifested in a sensible manner: in the words of his father, and the actions of his brother, that had been directly affected by his failure to stop and think instead of feeling.)


⭐⭐⭐‼️‼️‼️"There is no sign of sorrow for SIN, of repentance in that sense of the word, [in Esau,] but if we take the word not in the religious meaning, but in what may be called its secular significance, there are in Esau’s case, as recorded in Genesis, both the elements of a decided alteration of mind and purpose, and of penitence and sorrow for the past.... there is in him a decided and fundamental change of view, of mind, as to the value of the birthright that he had despised, and that is repentance; and there is bitter sorrow for what had passed, and that is repentance; and there is earnest desire that it might be different, and that is a sign of repentance."
(THE FACT THAT THERE IS A "SECULAR / RELIGIOUS" DISTINCTION OF REPENTANCE IS ABSOLUTELY VITAL!!! IT'S HONESTLY A GAME-CHANGER IN SPIRITUAL WARFARE.)

"[Esau] found no field on which such 'repentance' as he had could operate, so as to undo that which was past. His repentance did not alter the fixed destination of the blessing. His repentance, his change of mind as to the worth of the thing thrown away, and as to his own conduct in despising it, did not bring the thing back again to him. His tears did not obliterate what was done. He wished that it had been otherwise, but his wishes were vain."

🌟🌟🌟🌟 Here, take this whole next bit because it DESCRIBES MY EXACT STRUGGLE WITH MY DARK HISTORY and as always, Mr. MacLaren's brutally honest and beautifully vivid language stabs me straight through to the heart 🌟🌟🌟🌟

"And that is the lesson, my brethren, which this text as it stands is intended to teach us. We are pointed back to that tragic picture of Esau there, weeping, wringing his hands in the wild passion of his uncultured nature, when the blessing, seen to be desirable too late, had vanished from his convulsive grasp. And the lesson that is taught us is just this old solemn one. There may come in your life a time when the scales will fall from your eyes, and you will see how insignificant and miserable are the present gratifications for which you have sold your birthright, and may wish the bargain undone which cannot be undone. You cannot wash out bitter memories, you cannot blot out habits by a wish. Tears will not alter the irrevocable, you cannot avert consequences that fall upon a man, the consequences of a lifetime, by any weeping and wringing of your hands, and by any wish that they might disappear. ‘What I have written I have written,’ said Pilate, and in tragic sense it is true about many a man who at the end looks back upon many ‘a line which dying he would wish to blot,’ but which stands ineffaceable, not to be scratched out by any of your penknives, unless you can cut out the substance of the soul on which it is written."

"My brother! learn the lesson. You young men and women, do you begin right, that there may not be, in your career, deeds or a set of the life which one day you may wake to see has been all madness and misery! Oh! it is an awful thing for men to stand looking back upon a past life which to them appears as the vale of Sodom, on the morning after the eruption, did to Abraham as he looked on it from Mature, ‘and lo! the smoke of the country went up as the smoke of a furnace.’ So foul with slime-pits of boiling bitumen, the indulged lusts of the flesh, and dark with curling smoke-wreaths which tell of infernal fires wasting the fields that might have waved fruitful with harvests, the dark remembrances and blighting habits of sin set on fire of hell, does many a man’s life lie spread out to his gaze. How fain would he cancel the record, if he could! How fain would he forget and reverse the history! How fain would he bring back his early innocence of these lusts and crimes! In vain! in vain! The past stands - ‘Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.’"

"I know, thank God for the knowledge, I know that - as we shall have to say presently - any man, at any moment of his earthly career, may find, if he seeks for it, the mercy of the Lord which bringeth salvation, but I know too that the salvation which comes to a man who has all his life been giving himself up to earth, and limiting his views and moulding his character by the present and its contemptible objects, will not be as large, as full, as blessed in many an aspect, as the salvation which might have been his if at an early stage in his life, with his character still to mould, and his memory still unwritten with evil, he had turned himself to his God, and found peace in the blood of Jesus Christ. Maimed and marred in a thousand ways, having memories which burn and sting, having habits which it will be hard to fight against; with the marks of thee gyves upon his wrists; and his eyes unaccustomed to the daylight, like the prisoner that came out of the Bastille after a lifetime of imprisonment there, and wanted to go back again because he could not bear freedom and sunshine: so many a man brought to God and saved yet so as by fire, near the end of his days, has to feel that it is not 'all the same' whether a lifetime has been spent in the temple and priestly service, or in the foul haunts of vice and debauchery."

"We shall always have as much of God as we can hold, and as much of salvation as we desire; but the tragic thing is that a life spent in living, Esau-like, for the world and for the present, lames our desires and limits our capacities, so that even if such a man afterwards become a Christian, it may be impossible even for the giving God to give us as large a bestowment of His mercy and grace as we might otherwise have possessed. On the other side it is not to be forgotten: ‘the publicans and the harlots shall go into the Kingdom of God before you,’ Pharisees and Sadducees. And there is such a thing as the deep repentance and the passionate trust with which a soul, all spattered and befouled with fleshly sins, may cleave to the Master that may overcome even these disabilities of which I have spoken. But in the main it remains true that even if Esau at the last gets a blessing, he bears away a less blessing than he might have done had his earlier life been different."

...seriously, we need, if at all possible, to journal extensively about ALL of that.



⭐⭐⭐⭐ "...if a man desire to repent, he must have changed his views as to the conduct of which he desires to repent, and that change of View IS the repentance which he desires. And if a man desires to repent, there must be in him some measure of regret and sorrow for the conduct Of which he desires to repent, considered as sin against God, and that IS repentance."

⭐⭐⭐‼️‼️‼️ "To desire [our salvation] is to possess [it]; to possess in the measure of the desire, and according to its reality. There is no such thing in the spiritual realm as a real longing unfulfilled: ‘Whosoever will, let him come and take of the water of life freely.’ And the awful pictures that have been drawn of men weeping because they "could not repent," and of men with passionate tears imploring from the Father in heaven the blessing which "does not come to them", are slanders upon God and misapprehensions of His Gospel. That Gospel proclaims that wheresoever and whosoever will ask shall receive, or rather, that God has already given, and that nothing but obstinate determination not to possess prevents any man from being enriched with the fulness of God’s salvation."

‼️‼️‼️ "Only remember, dear brethren, it is possible for a man to wish vagrantly, with half his will, to wish in a languid fashion, to wish while he is not prepared to surrender what stands in the way of his wish being gratified. And such [lukewarm] wishing as that never got salvation, and never will. There are plenty of people that would like to "be saved" as they understand it, and [would like] to be sure that they are so, who are not prepared to close with the terms of salvation. It is not wishing of that sort that I am talking about [when I speak of true wishes]. Heaven may be had for the wishing, but it must be an honest wish, it must be out-and-out wishing, it must be wishing which actuates the life, it must be wishing which drives you to the Cross of Christ. And then, in the measure of the desire shall be the gift; and the larger the petition, the larger the benediction which comes fluttering down from heaven on to your head and into your heart."

"We have all sold our birthright, but we have a Brother in Whom we may win it back, the elder Brother of us prodigals, who, instead of grudging us the fatted calf and the festival welcome, Himself has died that they may be ours; and that no penitence may be unavailing, nor any longing be unsatisfied, forevermore.
Whatever we are, whatever has been our past, however embruted in sensual vice, however entangled in material gains, we have but to turn ourselves to that gracious Lord our Brother, in Whom the Father blesses us with all heavenly blessings, and we shall share in the birthright of His firstborn Son, ‘being heirs of God, and joint heirs with Christ.’"

------‐--------------------------------------------------------------------------

⭐⭐‼️‼️‼️ "...The object which Esau aimed at in his so-called repentance [by tears, was] the change of his father's determination to give the chief blessing to Jacob. Had he sought real repentance with tears he would have found it (Mt 7:7). But he did not find it because this was not what he sought. What proves his tears were not those of one seeking true repentance is, immediately after he was foiled in his desire, he resolved to murder Jacob! He shed tears, not for his sin, but for his suffering the penalty of his sin. His were tears of vain regret and remorse, not of repentance."

‼️‼️"Before, he might have had the blessing without tears; afterwards, no matter how many tears he shed, he was rejected. Let us use the time!"
(MATTHEW 25:1-13!!!)

‼️‼️‼️‼️ "The language is framed to apply to profane despisers who wilfully cast away grace, and seek "repentance"– that is not real; but [only seeking to] escape from the penalty of their sin– but in vain... Tears are no proof of real repentance."
(The Bible reference they give is 1 Samuel 24:16-17 = "When David finished speaking these words to Saul, Saul said, “Is that your voice, my son David?” Then Saul wept loudly. He said to David, “You are more innocent than I, for you have treated me well, even though I have tried to harm you!" TWO CHAPTERS LATER Saul goes after him AGAIN with a similar conclusion= "Saul replied, “I have sinned. Come back, my son David. I won’t harm you, for you treated my life with value this day. I have behaved foolishly and have made a very terrible mistake!”" And then he STILL DOESN'T ACTUALLY CHANGE. Honestly though I think Saul was legit mentally ill. He possibly WAS genuinely sorry in that moment, but his headspace was so screwed up that amidst the tumult of his emotions & poor reasoning it didn't stick.)
(In contrast, TRUE tears of repentance are wept FOR GOD and BEFORE GOD ALONE, with spontaneous purity of heart– not for show, or in any attempt to twist His Arm!)

⭐⭐⭐‼️‼️ "Tears are not an infallible sign of repentance: men may be more concerned for the loss and mischief that come by sin, than for the evil that is in it; and such repentance is not sincere; it does not spring from love to God, or a concern for his glory; nor does it bring forth proper fruits."

"as Esau’s sin was, such was his penalty... How therefore should these Hebrews, knowing all this, root out such a root springing up in themselves, or others, that they might not be guilty of such sin; lest having despised God’s blessing for their own ease, honours, or profits in this world, when they may desire to seek with tears the blessing of the eternal inheritance from God, he should irreversibly reject them."


------‐--------------------------------------------------------------------------

⭐⭐⭐‼️‼️ "The fool in the Bible [is] the one who does not want to learn, from the experience of visible things, that nothing lasts forever... that all things pass away, youth and physical strength, [even] amenities and important roles. Making one's life depend on such an ephemeral reality [as this world and our human ideas within it] is therefore foolishness. The person who trusts in the Lord, on the other hand, does not fear the adversities of life, nor the inevitable reality of death: he is the person who has acquired a wise heart, like the Saints."

------‐--------------------------------------------------------------------------