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" If someone has repented once of a sin, and again does the same sin, this is a sign that he has not been cleansed of the causes of the sin, wherefrom, as from a root, the shoots spring forth again." (St. Basil the Great)
SELFISHNESS TENDENCY = SIGN OF UNHEALED WOUNDS = NEED TO GO INSIDE SELF AND HEAL FIRST BEFORE WE CAN SELFLESSLY SERVE IN TRUTH???
"Uproot the weeds & thorns" means you HAVE to spend time focused on caring for your own garden BEFORE you can be ABLE grow fruit to give???
ALL BY GRACE!! "I AM THE VINE"
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Things mom said that really upset me=
1. Retreat VS her busy mindset "wasting time" "hurry up and get over with so I can do something productive"
2. Sensuality focus on life: "its all about the experiences" because "you can't experience anything after you die" = 1 COR 15:33!!
3. "NO SELF AFTER DEATH" = "we just return to essence"
4. "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps" with flashbacks
5. Nostalgia & "childhood memories" ? "Block out the bad"

THIS IS MY FIRST TIME ACTUALLY EXPERIENCING THE PAIN OF THE GOSPEL "NOT PEACE BUT A SWORD"

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Christ died to save us = He died FOR us, because He LOVES us. Key motivation!! Why MUST we die? Because we sinned, and sin separates us from God, and INEVITABLY ends in death. But we cannot "un-sin" ourselves OR "balance the scales"; "infinite offense to infinite God"; i.e. "once is too much" like a drug. It infects you forever. "Taste of forbidden fruit" corrupts permanently; "impure".
(We HAD to die because original sin = state of separation = cannot subsist because inherently wrong = requires death)
The only hope was for Jesus to "take our nature into Himself" and TRANSFORM IT? To actually live WITHOUT sin and "reset our nature" to factory settings as it were??
Remember we are only resurrected IN+WITH CHRIST. NOT ON OUR OWN. = "NEW ADAM" IS SPIRIT = SONS OF ABRAHAM BY FAITH
Human wisdom seeks "how can I be a good person? How can I escape death and suffering? How can I live forever?" Etc. By OWN effort merit work etc. But faith in Christ crucified says "I'm not only bad and doomed I'm a powerless FOOL; I'm HELPLESS to attain such divine hopes and I don't even understand them rightly. Worse, I FORFEIT them by my sinfulness. ONLY GOD CAN HEAL & CHANGE & SAVE ME; all I can do is SURRENDER TO HIS LOVE IN RADICAL HUMBLED FAITH."
etc.
Paid for us in BLOOD = LIFE + HEART! "Signed in blood" vibe too; covenant of SELF, not just words or action

WE MISUNDERSTAND SIN!!!
Original sin was NOT "do this and I'll kill you." It was "do this and YOU WILL DIE." Sin carries death IN ITSELF
Likewise all the OT curses + threats of prophets are JUST DESCRIBING THIS??? If you turn from God, what else IS there but the LOSS of God? And since God IS love + life + joy + safety + etc., choosing to REBEL & REJECT Him INEVITABLY BRINGS SUFFERING AND DEATH. God therefore "does" that to you solely because God IS Omnipotent, and nothing else CAN "do" anything to you unless He permits it. But He doesn't WILL the curses. It's just the INEVITABLE CONSEQUENCE of YOUR SINFUL CHOICE.

Think about the CROSS in light of this = GOD ISN'T VENTING WRATH!!! HE NEVER SAID "I'LL DESTROY YOU" AS A VIOLENT AGENT; HE CANNOT, HE IS LOVE & MERCY AS WELL AS JUSTICE!!
THE PENALTY OF DEATH IS BAKED INTO SIN. THE PUNISHMENT OF SIN IS SIN ITSELF
GOD WANTS ALL MEN TO REPENT AND BE SAVED AND LIVE!!!
HENCE THE CROSS IN THE FIRST PLACE

‼️GOD "GIVES & TAKES" LIFE, BUT THE DEVIL ALONE KILLS

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"OH" moments today =

GOD'S REMEDY FOR MAN'S IGNORANCE IS FOOLISHNESS IN THE EYES OF THE WORLD. The remedy is "preaching," including the thing preached and the act of preaching.
This preaching is to the wisdom of man "foolishness", for —
1. It simply states facts, not theories and reasonings. The apostles came simply to "bear witness" to Christ.
2. It states facts likely to excite contempt. The Jew didn't want a suffering Messiah; the Greek could not understand a crucified God,
3. It makes salvation depend on faith, not on wisdom. "To save them that believe."

THE CONSPICUOUS MANIFESTATION AFFORDED OF THE WISDOM OF GOD. [His] Wisdom is discoverable —
1. In the whole plan, in that man was first taught his weakness. A wise teacher lets his pupil flounder a little that he may learn a lesson of humility. So the centuries before Christ are a standing rebuke to man, reminding him of his impotence. Hence no flesh can "glory in the presence of God." The saint cannot, for all he knows was taught him; the preacher cannot, since the "treasure" does not depend on the "earthen vessel" for its value; the facts he has to deliver are successful not from his eloquence, or thought, or exposition.
2. In the plan of proclamation, in that it enables all Christians to be preachers. He has only to testify what he has seen, tasted, and felt.
3. In making salvation depend on faith, in that it makes salvation possible to all.

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151. The Lord greatly loves the repenting sinner and mercifully presses him to His bosom: "Where were you, My child? I was waiting a long time for you." The Lord calles all to Himself with the voice of the Gospel, and his voice is heard in all the world: "Come to me, my sheep. I created you, and I love you. My love for you brought Me to earth, and I suffered all things for the sake of your salvation, and I want you all to know my love, and to say, like the apostles on Tabor: Lord, it is good for us to be with You." (St. Silouan the Athonite, Writings, IX.27)